Vertical Naps: Mastering Peak Productivity in the 17 Seconds Between Floors
By Brent Velocity, MBA, CPW (Certified Power Waker)

Are you wasting eight hours a night lying still like a prehistoric failure? What if you could optimize your life by reclaiming that time for real productivity-without ever setting foot in a bed?

In this groundbreaking satire disguised as a serious self-help guide, self-declared time-efficiency expert Brent Velocity reveals his revolutionary lifestyle: sleeping only during elevator rides and conference calls.

Inside, you'll discover:

• How to "nap vertically" without spilling your coffee

• The Dream-to-Deck(TM) Funnel: monetizing your REM cycles into pitch decks

• Strategic snoring techniques that won't get you removed from Zoom

• Why traditional sleep is a myth invented by Big Mattress(TM)

• Brent's 10-step program to eliminate rest, relationships, and reality from your daily life

Perfect for overachievers, burnt-out tech bros, and satire lovers who understand that grinding yourself into a hallucinating shell of a person might not be the flex you think it is.

Whether you laugh, cringe, or recognize your manager in these pages, Vertical Naps is a must-read for anyone chasing productivity at the cost of everything else.