- The slower-than-deceased-livestock left-lane drivers who apparently believe that the right lane is sacred and must never come in direct contact with tires
- The parent-misery quotient of last-minute school science fair projects
- Day trading and other careers that never require you to take off your bathrobe
- The plague of the low-flow toilets, which is so bad that even in Miami, where you can buy drugs just by opening your front door and yelling "Hey! I want some crack," you can't even sell your first born to get a normal-flushing toilet

Dave Barry is not taking any of this sitting down. He's going to stand up for the rights of all Americans against ridiculously named specialty "-chino" coffees and the IRS. Just as soon as he gets the darn toilet flushed.