Ensign Mateo Hobson is an Alliance Patrol officer with no career direction. He's given a chance to find it in the Intelligence Directorate. His mission is to go to the planet Polonius, which wants to join the Alliance, and find out why no one's been arrested for a crime spree on that world. He'll also learn why some names of Hamlet characters are used for town names and some aren't, and why some cop-donut jokes cannot be killed.