Discovering that his doppelgänger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot that involves intellectual giants, enormous beards, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.

Includes, at no additional charge, The Wit and Wisdom of the Pirate Captain--a Major Philosophical Work.

On the Matter of Love:
If you're off to fight in a battle, snap a ship's biscuit in half and give your girlfriend the other half. When you meet again, they will match--like two halves of a single soul! Hopefully, this will stop her sleeping with other men.

On Life in General:
Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.