"Here's the truth of it -- I can have any woman I want any time I want. No problem. Every one of them is ripe and ready, waiting to hear the magic words that'll persuade them to do anything. Married, single, older, younger, desperate, widowed, frigid, horny -- point 'em out, and they're mine.

You see, I know what to say, I discovered the key, and believe me it opens the lock every single time.

My mother was a hot-looking natural blond from Memphis who got herself murdered when I was seven. For a while the cops suspected my old man, they even took him into custody for a day or two. But he had an airtight alibi, he was in bed with his mistress at the time, a long-legged redhead.

My dad had a handsome face and the attitude of a gangster. He was an extremely snappy dresser -- only the best for him. He wore the finest Egyptian cotton shirts, silk ties, hand-tailored suits, gold cuff links and a Rolex watch. The man could have any woman he wanted, and he did. When I was growing up I used to watch him operate. He owned a fancy restaurant, and cock-walked the room, flirting with all the female customers. Women were his for the taking, and from an early age I got an education, observing him in action. He always had plenty of pussy, but after my mom died there were more women than ever. They felt sorry for him, and he ate it up.

He was a heavy drinker. At the start of the evening he looked like dynamite, halfway through the night he was a wreck and by the time his restaurant closed he was falling down drunk.

My dad didn't care what the women he slept with looked like, he used to say, "Get an ugly one between your legs, an' she'll "really" showymen worshiped them. Andfrom what I read in Lulu's fan magazines, they made plenty of big bucks.

Lulu found out about an acting class and even sprung for the bucks for me to go. Nobody could ever accuse her of not being a sport.

After we'd been together a year, I came home early one day and caught her in bed with another guy. My dad had warned me not to trust women. I figured he was wrong on that score, but then I'd never imagined they'd screw around on me.

Big surprise. There was Lulu with her legs in the air, moaning and groaning. She chased me down the hallway, naked, yelling her guts out. "It was a mistake! You can't go! Please! Don't leave me!"

Too late. By that time I'd figured out what I wanted, and it wasn't some cheating bitch who didn't even know how to be faithful. Copyright © 1998 by Chances, Inc.